The Ten Rules of Genesis Rhapsodos
by RegenesisX
Summary: How to avoid an early death via Commander Rhapsodos. Or how to get yourself killed via Commander Rhapsodos.


**A/N:** Another sort-of list I threw together. It's not quite like _Library Science_, seeing as I made all of these up.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own FFVII! I do own my OC, whom some of you may recognize from my other stories.

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**The Ten Rules of Genesis Rhapsodos**

**Rule #1:**  
_Upon entering the office of Genesis Rhapsodos, always knock first, then wait a few seconds before going inside. This gives him time to stop whatever game he's playing and pretend he's actually doing work in the event that you happen to be Lazard._

**Rule #2:**  
_If you are a cadet, the commander will not like you. Chances are, you haven't done anything to personally aggravate him, he just treats all cadets the same. If you are looking at him, he will yell at you to stop looking at him. If you're looking at the floor, he will yell at you to look at him. If you're looking at the can openers on his desk, LOVELESS on his shelves or Rapier, he will most likely threaten you with Hell Firaga or some other Fire-based spell._

**Rule #3:**  
_If you are a SOLDIER and he knows your name, the commander will not like you. You've probably offended him somehow in the past and now you're on his permanent hit-list. Good luck._

**Rule #4:**  
_If, upon opening the door, the commander is not at his desk, don't panic. Slowly turn around and exit the room. There is a slight chance that he's hidden behind the plant in the corner by the door and will jump out to scare you. And it will scare you every single time he does it._

**Rule #5:**  
_The commander likes his papers brought to him in neat stacks. In the event that you are in a hurry and drop the papers everywhere in your haste to deliver them, take your time reorganizing them. Otherwise you will be forced to do so with the commander hovering over your shoulder. It will take you twice as long and your hands will be shaking._

**Rule #6:**  
_Never put anything other than exactly what the commander tells you into his coffee. Even if you're not the one to bring it to him, he will somehow know you did it and you will spend the next two weeks regretting it._

**Rule #7:**  
_Do not touch any of his can openers. Ever. If you have already done so, the train comes through the Sector 5 station at around 4:30 PM if you'd like to step in front of it._

**Rule #8:**  
_LOVELESS is always to be taken seriously. If you and a few of your friends plan on flouncing around, poking fun at the commander's incessant reciting of said poem, wear extremely good disguises. Or better yet, just don't do it._

**Rule #9:**  
_If you walk into the commander's office and he is in a bad mood, he may begin ranting about what exactly it is that has pissed him off. Again, don't panic. Just stand there quietly, nod every once and a while and don't interrupt. Once he's finished, he will be in a better mood and allow you to leave in peace. If you ever visit his office again after this, he might possibly even smile at you._

**Rule #10:**  
_Never, under any circumstances whatsoever, should you ever ask the commander if he's PMSing. That will mean an instant "game over" for you, pal._

Storm Fairbanks swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat after reading the list posted on the wall beside Commander Rhapsodos' office door. He glanced down at the pile of papers in his arms with wide eyes, heart rate speeding up. Were they neat enough? Crouching down, he tapped the bottom edge of the stack against the floor and lined up all the sides. He quickly thumbed through the papers. Should he organize them alphabetically too?

"Pardon me, Cadet," a lightly accented voice said from somewhere over his shoulder, "but what in Minerva's name are you _doing?"_

Glancing up, Storm met the glowing mako-blue eyes of none other than Commander Rhapsodos himself. "Sir!" he squeaked, accidentally dropping his stack of papers. "Oh Gaia, what have I done?" he cried. "I-I'm so sorry, sir, I was going to alphabetize them but I dropped them…"

The red-haired SOLDIER arched an eyebrow. "I can see that," he said. "Might I inquire as to _why_ you were sitting outside my office, alphabetizing papers?"

"Well it said on the sign that you liked your papers neat a-and I just thought—"

"Wait. What sign?"

Storm pointed at the piece of paper taped to the wall. "That sign?"

Narrowing his eyes, the commander leaned over to quickly scan the document. "_…likes his papers brought to him in neat stacks,"_ he muttered under his breath. "I see." He pointed at the papers on the floor. "Clean those up and set them on my desk. I don't care if they're out of order. I have a meeting with a certain someone and the four-thirty train."

With that, the Red General swept off, coat fluttering out behind him and left fist crackling with energy. Storm sure felt sorry for whatever poor soul he was after. As he scraped up the fallen reports, he came up with one more rule:

**Rule #11:**  
_Do not post lists about how to avoid upsetting the commander. He will know who did it, and he will come find you to remind you about why you should avoid upsetting him in the first place._

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**A/N:** So. Who made the list?

_**R**egenesis**X**  
_


End file.
